1. |
Overture
02:56
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Monsters who do mischief do not breath fire or smoke
Beasts who are a bother don’t squeal or growl or croak
they hardly ever frighten or haunt you in your dreams
upon closer inspection things are not what they seem
Swinging from the ceiling sliding down the walls
underneath the table lurking in the halls
When Mom and Dad are angry and use your middle name
Mischievous Monsters and Bothersome Beasts
should get some of the blame
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2. |
Gum Goblin
02:11
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My monster mouth chews gobs of gum the gooey gloppy kind
I spit it out n stick it everywhere your mother’s sure to find
I lob a glob right down the drain and place some in your hair
beneath your father’s shoe and on the seat of your mother’s chair
What about the gum that’s left, you won’t find where I hid it
it won’t be me that will likely see --------they’ll surely think you did it!
I brought a stick to school and had enough for all the class
but teacher sent you to detention said that you were full of sass
I chewed and chewed ‘til dinner time then dropped it in your drink
when your Dad did the dishes, it clogged up the sink.
I saved and saved those gobs of gum made a giant furry ball
I bounced it on the floor threw it up against the wall
Your Mom and Dad would think it bad they’d say that it is wrong
that your hands and feet are sticky sweet and you lick ‘em all day long
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3. |
Little Master Of Mess
04:24
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I like to litter a little bit, I do it every day
I grab games and books and toys then toss them all away
When they tumble here and there on furniture and floor
I smile and clap my multiple hands and slither under the door
There’s gonna be trouble when they get home from work
Tripping over this rubble, they’re gonna go berserk
I tossed that trash all over the lawn just because I can
when neighbors watch I am long gone it’s all part of the plan
I covered the yard front and back, sidewalks and hedges too.
Wrappers and cups from meals and snacks mark a trail that leads to you.
small and silent as a mouse, nobody knows I’m in the house
vanishin’ in thin air, I could be hiding in your hair
I’m just a little litter Louse
I like to spread this stuff around, deal all fifty two cards,
when the last puzzle piece can’t be found I kindly send my regards
When this room’s a total mess, debris from wall to wall,
I’ll bet you wish that I’d confess and absolve you of it all
Someone’s got to be punished later tonight
Stumbling over this rubbish, there’s gonna be a big fight
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4. |
Tickle Troll
01:53
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We all know there are certain times when children should be still
When mother's on the telephone when someone's feelin' ill
When Dad is watchin' TV news when baby is asleep
That's when I come to call, on tiptoes I will creep
Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ho
Just a little bit of fun then you wish for me to go
Heh Heh Heh Hey Hey Hey
Everybody likes to laugh sometimes they say it's not ok
Into your room I steal, I am a feathered fellow
When tickle fingers feel you will giggle roar and bellow
You don't know where I lurk I show up when you least expect
Who knew I go to church and like to genuflect
It's to much in fact it's unbearable
That feathery touch my tickle is terrible
Early in the morning in the middle of the night
Chewing chimichangas swallowin a big bite
Sittin in the dentists chair you try hard not to giggle
When the barber cuts your hair I make you jump and squirm and wiggle
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5. |
Fibulous Fabber
03:05
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Every tale that I tell has a sweet n stinky smell.
my words of wisdom and wonder will carefully conjure a spell,
then anything is easy to sell
and things will all be just as well.
If you need a good fib to cover up what you did
just let me spin you a yarn
what nobody knows can't do nobody no harm.
When you’re in trouble and don't know what to say,
you only need a good story to make ‘em think you obey,
you gotta make ‘em think you obey
then all things will be ok.
Villains and monsters attacking the world only superheroes can save the boys and girls
I’m the fabulous fibber as you now know well
I’m the one to call when there’s a spiel to sell
I can cover your tracks prop up your house of cards
take the heat off your back and let you drop your guard
we’ll put our heads together for the perfect pitch
and they’ll never suspect the old bait and switch
I got references I’m fabulous for a reason
they’re strategic white lies and not treason
a prolific author I am when you need to get out of a jam
yeah you can borrow my wisdom and wonder
my prevarication plan, you gotta stick to the plan
and no one will know our little scam
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6. |
Invisible Things
02:27
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The worst of all the bothersome beasts are the ones you cannot see
We pull your hair and make you think it’s thou who’s teasing thee
We beat you up and push you down it’s really lots of fun
to watch you blame each other for the fights we have begun
Impossible pinches, miserable stings, treasonous trips, invisible strings
inadmissible bops, abominable blows, unforeseeable foes
Invisible Things
You hear somebody laughing every time you cry in pain
but when Mom comes in ew hide away so you get all the blame
Mom says apologize right now why can’t you all play nice
but we know the reason why you get in all these fights
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7. |
Splash Class
02:29
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When you finished with your homework, science, history and math
The faucet is a flowin' yeah its time to take your bath
You forget all of your troubles as you splash and as you splish
inside that happy house of bubbles you swim around like fish
Splish Splash Splish Fish dancin 'cross the water
We want you to have fun instead o' doin' what you oughta
Squish Squash Squish Fish floppin 'cross the floor
If the water gets much higher it'll leak right out the door
We'll be swimmin through the pipes, comin up the drain
splatterin' and sprayin' only you get all the blame
We're fun at first but trouble always follows us around
and when there's nothin' left but rubble we'll be nowhere to be found
No No No do not extend an invitation to us rabble rousin' rascals pushin' anti-dehyrdration
Yeah Yeah Yeah you better stick with rubber ducky 'snot as much fun but a lot more lucky
You better watch out you better beware of 'em
'cause we'll turn your bathroom into a great big aquarium
We splish, pour, splash, and magically multiply
Before we take our final bow nothing near you will be dry
Up Up Up Up you'll get such a funny feeling
that you never even see the suds a hangin' from the ceiling
Down Down Down the water level drops then but we fill it back up to the top once again
So rub a dub dub keep a scrapin' and a scrubbin'
better stick to the plan and keep a rinsin and a rubbin'
Splish Splash Splish Fish dancin in your bath
We'll be fun for a minute, we'll be fun for a minute,
we'll be fun for a minute with a messy aftermath
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8. |
Rip N Terror
01:28
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I love to rip bite and tear
almost anything you wear
especially when you’re nicely dressed,
dressed up in your very best.
I creep up while you climb and play
to chew a chunk of your clothes away
so where your pants-leg used to be
you’ll find a hole, and your cold knee.
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9. |
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You don’t care for macaroni mashed potatoes or baloney
That kind of fish I would not try, just let that spinach pass you by
Do not touch that stinky cheese or those icky mushy peas
this seems like questionable meat, for those who don't deserve a treat.
There’s one thing you and I both I like they better lock that cookie jar up tight
Don’t let it out of sight, the cookie crook’s about to strike
Fresh morsels we'll abscond and then the cupboard’s empty once again
but every yummy crumb I take, gives you another tummy ache.
Are you allergic to those beans? That soup smells just like gasoline.
That plate you'll never ever clean, you don’t eat anything that’s green.
Don’t matter if it’s fried or broiled, sautéed in butter or palm oil,
Who likes to eat green eggs and ham? Not me a cookie crook I am.
While starving kids at meals, might beg for a spoonful or a bite
nothing will pass your zippered lips unless it's packed with chocolate chips.
They don't know that you are the winner when sent to bed without your dinner
your empty stomach will not hurt, it only grumbles for dessert
every yummy crumb I take, gives you another tummy ache.
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10. |
Muddier Mucker
02:51
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My favorite stuff is murcky mud
I squishy squish inside your door
I like to stop, stop ‘n’ drop my glop glop glop
your mother said she mopped the floors
when you come home come back in doors
I’m trailin’ right behind your back with a muddy murcky track track track
Stompin around in the muddy mud muck
when you’re out in the street
Grub’s n bugs fallen down on their luck
They’re ridin’ in on your feet
When day is done you change your shoes
They smell like dung, you stepped in poo
I dropped it right down in your path now those shoes will need a bath bath bath.
stompin’ around in the sticky slick sludge
when you’re outside to play
tracks and trails of smelly hot fudge are comin’ inside to stay.
You’re queens and kings of dirty hill
your treasures cling until they spill
right off of your wet feet onto the back of your seat seat seat
stomping around in the sticky slime slick
when you cross lakes of crud
trains of trash and an odorous mix are drifting among my mud
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11. |
Commander Crumb
01:52
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On a mission of reconnaissance searchin' low and high
in cups on plates in pots and pans for cookies cake and pie.
When I find signs of sweet sweet snacks I do not let them settle.
I leave a trail of crumbs on floors in cracks like Hansel and like Gretel
I'm callin' in the army
Relations friends it all depends how hungry they happen to be
The whole dang army
Fathers mothers sisters brothers every branch of the family tree
Us insects are a family force when we come to call
we invite our cousins by the dozens with cracker crumbs for them all
This cootie clan chomps up and down we're very messy eaters
and what we don't get in our mouths we crunch up with our feeters
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12. |
Sneaker Sneak
02:50
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Every morning you take pride in seeing both your shoes are tied
You lace them up, you tie them tight, double check to see they're on alright
OO OO OO
But my idea of games and fun is making shoe strings come undone
I slither and I slime around under feet on the ground
I'm a sneaker sneak, so to speak
Nobody knows the wrongs I wreak
While I crawl and when I creep your missing shoe is mine to keep
While you moan and when you weep
your missing string, your missing socks, your missing shoes are mine keep.
There's nothing anyone can do
with just one (no) string(s), one (no) sock(s), and one (no) shoes
There's nothing anyone can do
I wait until your busy then I pull those laces once again
I could play this game all day, don't you wish I'd go away OO OO OO
There's one more scheme I got here cookin I'll snatch both socks while your not lookin'
and you'll be half way down the street before you see you've got bare feet.
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13. |
Reverend Walker Wallace
02:59
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If there’s something I deplore it’s folks who walk across the floor
enter and exit through the door they’re all the same a total bore
I use my hands I don’t need feet you’ll never see me on the street
I do not wash I am not neat I leave a mess after I eat
I am small small small but I feel tall tall tall
way up here I can see above you all
up the wall wall wall I like to crawl crawl crawl
I stick like slime but I do not fall
There’s a crime I must confess while with my fingers I depress
to keep me up with such success they often leave a sticky mess
While I swing high up in the air with dirty prints left everywhere
Your parents think that you were there no matter what you swear
You take the fall fall fall for it all all all
they think you made that mess with your dirty grimy paw
and while your maw and paw over ride the rule of law
don’t you wish you were with me walkin’ high up on this wall
Investigating a complaint of fingerprints on fresh white paint
It’s clear the perpetrator ain’t neither a sinner nor a saint
Don’t need the Spanish Inquisition to extract my main ambition
and past propensity to befoul this fine partition
Look up the wall wall wall above you all all all
way up here you can see me when I crawl
and while your maw and paw over ride the rule of law
close your eyes and come with me walkin’ high up on this wall
close your eyes and come with me walkin’ high up on this wall
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14. |
Sad Sack Siren
01:59
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As the sun was setting a long long way from home
You heard somebody crying, somebody all alone.
You found a lonesome sobber who wanted you to stay
and so to cheer me up you stopped to play.
Running late and in a hurry while rushing right along
you heard pathetic crying, and stopped to see what's wrong.
When we played tag I'd chuckle and smile when I was winner,
but when you finally left I cried for you 'cause you were late for dinner.
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15. |
Reprise
03:42
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When the day is over our songs have all been sung
dreams come slippin' over, hints of harmless fun
When Mom and Dad are happy it's time for you to sing
'bout Mischievous Monsters and Bothersome Beasts
but they won't believe a thing
The world is full of monsters known to you and me.
demons pfd the daylight that grown ups cannot see.
They hardly ever frighten you'e got nothing to fear.
As your grown' older, they'll surely disappear.
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HeWhoCannotBeNamed San Francisco, California
He Who Cannot Be Named has been playing punk rock for almost 30 years, most of that time with the legendary Dwarves. An
original member of this San Francisco based combo, he wrote or cowrote many of your favorite tunes from the early Sub Pop albums.
Solo Albums
Sunday School Massacre 2010
Humaniterrorist 2012.
My Degeneration 2016
The Good, The Bad, and The Brutal 2018
Cruel Toys A-Z 2020
... more
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